Okay, I’ll be the first to admit: I am a professional procrastinator. This summer, heading into my freshman year at university, we had a few pre-assessments to take in math, programming, and writing which would determine the work we need to complete over the summer. Having no programming background whatsoever, it is no surprise that I failed the programming pre-assessment (and by failed, I mean I left almost every question blank). Programming has been one of those things that I know I should learn, but just feels so daunting to even start.
I have a large handful of friends who, like me, never took a programming class, do not know how to code, and are existing in life just fine. I have another handful of friends who started taking classes in early high school, have built websites from scratch, and have done really impressive work in the ever-evolving field of computer science. Hopping the fence from not knowing anything to becoming tech whizzes like some of my friends just seemed impossible, and frankly, not like something that I wanted to do, so I didn’t.
But of course, as it played out, the college I enrolled in was the sole college I applied to that requires a basic proficiency in Python upon starting freshman courses. The prospect of this was exciting to me at first; finally, a reason to kickstart my learning! But life happens, learning new things is hard, and going on long bike rides to enjoy the beautiful weather was much more appealing than opening my computer and diving into the giant mess of open tabs.
So… I put things off. Told myself I’d start next week. And then next week came, I did some practice problems, got confused, and pushed the rest off for the week after. I got in the habit of starting for a few minutes, but then I’d find myself getting frustrated by not understanding something, which would lead me to distract myself. (And as much as I hate to admit it, surrounded by instant gratification and always having easy access to answers on the Internet, I’ve realized that my ability to sit through the uncomfortable state of being confused is not as good as I thought it was β I’m sure I’m not alone on this. But that’s a topic for another day.)
Weeks passed, and my frustration with myself just kept building. I would make half-hearted attempts to learn what I needed to, but not understanding the material I told myself that I should have understood at that point just left me feeling more discouraged, which would in turn lead me to keep procrastinating. Then, the tasks would build up, I’d push myself to start again, get overwhelmed, procrastinate… this familiar cycle only continued. It was in one of these more recent weeks that I came across a simple quote which began to shift my mindset:
“No amount of guilt can solve the past, and no amount of anxiety can change the future.”
I suppose I saw it right in time for it to resonate with me just enough to change my attitude. The more that I had been procrastinating, the more guilt and shame I cast onto my past self, and the more anxiety built about the future. In my head, I created a narrative that everyone was ahead of me and now it would be impossible for me to catch up. But upon seeing this quote, I realized that feeling bad for not starting sooner wasn’t going to solve anything. Worrying about how I could ever keep up with the workload this fall without this integral foundation wasn’t going to change anything. And so, I finally did something that would.
I knew I was behind and in a crunch to catch up, so I sent a message to the students in my incoming class, asking if anyone might want to be my study buddy and catch up on material together.
In the first few minutes after I sent this message, no one replied, and I was so embarrassed. I basically just told everyone that I hadn’t been keeping up β what if it was only me, and now what if everyone was silently judging me for it? Now writing about it, it seems quite unlikely and irrational, but that is how how I felt.
But then, to my relief, messages started rolling in. Being the first one to say it was tough, but so was struggling through all of the material alone. Knowing that there were other people who, just like me, seemed to be highly skilled procrastinators, put everything back into reach. We could do it together.
And so, the work began: I made a plan and started chipping away at all of the materials I had put off. When I got confused, I took time to figure it out. Even better, I had some people to figure it out with. Did I figure everything out immediately? No. Do I have everything figured out now? Also no. But the point is, I took the time and actually tried instead of picking up my phone. Learning takes time, that is to be expected!
I won’t lie, it would have been much less of an uphill battle if I started sooner; after all, I could have been walking up this mountain instead of running. But there is nothing I can do about the past, nor the height of the mountain, and the mountain will still be in my path no matter how long I wait. So, I might as well start now.
Yes… I still have a colossal amount of work to do. But starting (not the five minutes here and there kind of “starting,” but actually starting) is half the battle (or so I’ve been told).
So, to all my fellow procrastinators, there is no time like the present! (And I promise you, you’re not alone.) Onwards!
Love,
Leah
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