on the other side of the open mic

In the same lines of my recent “daring to try” post, I’ve been doing my best to try new things and take some risks. With this, I am happy to say that I recently did something that my past self would have probably (metaphorically) died at the thought of — participating in a poetry open mic. I’ve always loved listening to spoken-word poetry, and I have written some poems as an amateur myself, but the thought of getting up in front of a bunch of strangers and reading them with the level of confidence needed for a good performance was, and still is, a pretty daunting thought for me.

Nonetheless, this past Wednesday, I dragged myself (alone!) to a nearby open mic. When I first arrived, I walked in to the cute cafe venue just as the organizers were setting up. Similar to my experience participating in my first group ride on the bike, a host of thoughts immediately flooded over me: I came here alone, maybe I can just get some food and leave before anyone notices me? Where am I supposed to sit?? Should I hide in the back and pretend like I’m busy with something else??? Right at the door, there was a sign-up sheet to put your name down for the open mic. I walked right past it and did not give it a second thought. I found myself a seat safely in the middle of the room. The first half of the open mic went by and the poems were amazing. I sat and watched and still did not add my name to the sign up list. After hearing so many great pieces, it was only harder to convince myself to speak — how could I follow up anyone here?

But then, someone stepped up to the mic and sheepishly admitted, “This is my first time here.” So I wasn’t the only one! The energy in the room was wonderful and everyone cheered on the person at the mic. They finished their poem and cheers and applause filled the space. You would think that I would have been convinced then, but not quite. I waited until almost the end of the second half, after many more first-time speakers, before finally garnering up the courage to walk up to the host and ask if it was too late to add my name onto the list.

I have never been a fan of public speaking, but I have always loved to express myself through words, and perhaps my love for spoken-word poetry was just big enough to help me conquer my fears and make the leap. Add on the fact that I had been searching for an open mic for what felt like a long time, and I was finally here, and I didn’t know the next time I’d have this opportunity, it was just something that had to be done whether I was emotionally “ready” or not. The host added my name to the list with an enthusiastic smile, which meant I was at the point of no return. I headed back to my seat and watched the next few performances, anxiously awaiting my turn.

And then, the time came. I was called to the stage and I honestly don’t remember much after that. I remember my awkward introduction, letting people know that it was my first time and I was “a bit nervous so bear with me,” and then I remember the audience applause after my performance and getting off stage. Was it better than I had made it out to be in my head? Yes! The crowd was so supportive, and for the most part I read just as I had planned to. Was my heart racing, did I probably speak too fast, and was I sweating a little more than usual? Also yes. I can’t say it was the most graceful performance ever, nor can I say even taking the step to put my name down was “easy,” but looking back, I am so glad that I did.

In recent weeks, it’s been an amazing privilege to have the space to lean into my hobbies and challenge myself. The more I step out of my comfort zone and do things that I wouldn’t “normally do,” the more trust and confidence I build in myself. When stepping out of your comfort zone or doing something that you know you should do but don’t want to, I’ve learned that the time will never feel right. In fact, it will probably feel quite uncomfortable. But perhaps the pain is proof that you are growing; after all, it’s called “growing pains” for a reason!